I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
