I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Don't tell me you're on acid again
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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