Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
