you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
