matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
