I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just cropdusted the office
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
