I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
