its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
