Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
