Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize