So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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