Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
