there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
