I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
