doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
