i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
