Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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