I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize