At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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