why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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