You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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