I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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