he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize