Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
