I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
