I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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