he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize