Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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