There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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