he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Congratulations! We have a period
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
