I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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