I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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