Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
