Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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