god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
