Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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