I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
