I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
