Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
