guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
