Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My cat gives me a boner
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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