true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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