i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
