ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
