You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
