I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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