we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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