4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
