I am in a vortex of obligation.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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