walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
