Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
