I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
