Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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