I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
