I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
