there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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