dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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