I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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