does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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