i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
