I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Randomize
