You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
